It's 4 U
by Dead17Times
Summary: Just a short two chapter story i wrote in my spare time. Gore and strong themes. If you are sensitive, don't read.
1. It's4U

**Shaun's POV**

"This isn't what it looks like..." My now exgirlfriend slammed the door and walked away. "So what does that make me? Just another girl? Are you making a list? You're sick." My other now ex girlfriend spat at my feet and slammed the door as she left. I had fucked up really bad.

The events of the week before were much worse. My parents had both died, I'd lost most of my money, Andy and Bradie were in the crash too but they survived, why did I offer to drive? We were all in hospital when I got the news about my parents. I stopped eating for a week, when I was allowed home I couldn't contain my thoughts. I began writing down everything but i either ran out of paper or made myself more upset. I became violent. I punched in walls and doors, smashed all the cups and plates.

Two weeks later, when everyone was out of hospital. Andy and Bradie were my last resort.

"Shaun come to the clubs tonight, it might make you feel better." Andy said sympathetically. I was slumped in the couch at Andy and Bradie's house because I needed to talk to someone. "Bradie do you want to come?" I said to a hypnotized Bradie, he had a new video game. "Nah, I want to get to the next stage on this tonight." I rolled my eyes, as did Andy. "Ok, I'll come." I sighed, making it sound like a huge effort. "I'll pick you up around 7, kay?" Andy said then I nodded and walked out the front door.

Andy picked me up at 7, as he promised and we arrived at our usual club. It was in the center of Sydney. Even if Bradie did come he never drinks.

We hopped out of the car. Andy was wearing a himynameis singlet and his black skinnys with rips at the knees while I had a plain white top and skinnys. Casual. We walked up to the end of the line and waited for only a few minutes before being let in.

When we went in the heavy atmosphere was filled with the smells of various alcohols and cheap perfumes.

Andy, being the alcoholic that he is, went straight to the bar while I went and found an empty booth. The booth was about halfway between the dance floor and the bar. I sat down and watched as Andy, who was already slightly intoxicated, showed off to girls and did the 'Andy Dance' a few times when a song he knew came on.

A familiar girl walked up to the booth and sat down. I don't remember where I had seen her from, school maybe. "Hey, I'm Lara. You might have seen me around school." Yep, I knew her. I haven't dated her but I was going to change that."Hey, I'm Shaun. You have probably seen me on tv or in magazines." Real smooth considering I was still completely sober. She giggled and leant her chin on her hand. "So, what brings you out on such a fine night?" She spoke softly but quite flirty at the same time. "Not much, Andy just wants to refill on the drinks. It was a long week." She giggled again. "Hey, could I crash at your place tonight?" She asked. "I'd love you to but sorry. It's a little busy at home at the moment." She checked her phone then looked up again. "Hey, I got to go." "Then could I have your number?" Her smile grew. "Sure. My number is **********. See you round." She had a little spring in her step as she left.

It was about three hours into the night and Andy was passed out so I drove us home. Lucky I have my own house, Bradie has to put up with a hungover Andy in the morning.

I had never even given Lara my number, I didn't want another slut hating me at the moment but things happen. I'm just an ordinary guy so why was it so hard or me to keep girls? I'm glad I got rid of all the girlfriends and sluts, it's safer for me and them.

"Now it has been two weeks since the Diviney has had sex, lets watch as the wild Diviney slowly emerges from his sanctuary, his room." Andy said a documentary voice over tone.  
>"Andy, fucking shut up or piss off." I retorted. Bradie went into a fit of laughter as the fight went on.<p>

"As expected the Diviney is lashing out at innocent bystanders. What a horrible creature." "I'LL SHOW YOU A FUCKING HORRIBLE CREATURE YOU FAGGOT!" "Oh, oh I'm so scared." Andy pulled a face. As I loomed closer Andy let out a small "Woah oh" then a scream as I chased him through the whole house and even down the street until I realized I only had boxers on. Bradie had the camera and was filming the whole chase scene. Bradie was laughing so much I don't think the footage was useable.

We eventually calmed down. Andy needs to stop doing stuff like this to me, Bradie needs to back me up and I need out. I have no clue why they were at my house so early but I wanted them to go. "Guys, im not really up for doing anything today. Do you think you could go? I need to do some paper work and clean this shithole of a house." "Sure, see you tomorrow maybe." "Mm" They left. They don't know what it is like, I can't do this. I went to my bathroom and opened the draw under the basin.

"Hey, Andy and Bradie. Just saying goodbye." I left a voicemail. The only time they don't pick up their phones is when I am killing myself. Typical.

I looked in the draw, razors, pills and in the back was a locked box containing the gun my dad had given me when I moved out. For burglars I think. Probably had sentimental value but I never cared much about things like that.

I pulled out the razors, pills and the box and sat them on the floor. I opened the gun box and pulled out the bullets. About 100 in total. I wrote as many names of girls that hate me with them. Each name meant a cut with the blade. When I started, it hurt like a bitch but as I went on the only thing that phased me was the actual amount of red liquid that had pooled next to me. It was a luscious crimson, to bright to be real. Though, the blood made me feel good. It was like a drug, making me want it more and more. This wasnt my first encounter with cutting but that was different, that was when i just broke up with a girl but now everything is gone. The gun was taunting me, wanting me, needing me to use it but i didn't, it would be too loud. The pills were pain killers, anti-depressants and iron supplements. I grabbed a hand full of each and swallowed, one by one, each time was as bad as the first. I was getting sleepy. I had one name left on the list. Shaun Diviney. I hate me. I wrote my name in the bullets on the floor then picked up the razor again. As I sliced I fell into unconsciousness making the razor cut deep, to the bone and I was out. Dead, like that. Never heard from, never needed, never wanted. The room ,filled with red from bursting veins, smelt like copper. That's the smell that I died to, I died for.

I don't know how everyone took it, I was dead but it was for you, all of you. The girlfriends, Andy, Bradie, everyone, this was for you. Every cut, every pill. It was for you.


	2. Aftermath

**Andy's POV**

Yeah, sure we had a fair few fights but they never meant anything. Right?

We hadn't seen Shaun for two days, he hadn't answered his phone or told anyone anything. I was worried. Bradie was too but he was mainly pissed. I could tell Bradie was pissed off because he hasn't left his room for a day, that's a long time for Bradie not to talk to anyone. He hated when Shaun would dissapear though he'd usually leave a message... My phone. I hadn't checked my old one since I bought a new iPhone.

'1 missed call from Shaun Diviney  
>2 days ago.'<p>

Fuck.

"Andy... ANDY!" Bradie screamed like a little girl. "What?" I yelled back. "What channel are you watching on tv?" Why does he want to know that? "Nine, why?" I asked. "Turn to eleven, quick."

'Shaun Diviney the frontman of Short Stack has been found dead in his bathroom this evening." Fuck, Shaun. "He was believed to have overdosed on pain killers, iron supplements and anti-depressants and sliced a vein in his wrist, leading to blood loss." What a fucking emo cunt, I knew he'd always end up like this. "He had been dead for 2 days when paramedics found him." Well that explains so much more.

Bradie and I drove to his house first. There was police and forensic team cars out the front and 'do not enter-crime scene' tape across the doorway. We didn't get out of the car. We just sat there a while, assessing the damage from the outside.

Bradie was pale, his eyes were glass like and his hands were trembling. I was probably the same. I don't really remember. I remember the police bringing out boxes, boxes of Shaun's suicide toys. I remember the tree in his front yard being completely still even though it was breezy. I remember checking my phone once more for a message from Shaun saying he was fine. I never got another message.

Bradie turned the car on and headed to the hospital. It was an eerie silence in the car. I couldn't talk. My mouth felt as if it had been stapled shut and if I said anything the staples would tear through my flesh.

As we walked into the hospital it was loud though I didn't hear the noise, they were muffled, undistinguished sounds floating in my ears. Bradie, who I guessed took all this much easier then I, asked the lady at the front desk if we could visit the morgue.

I always liked the word morgue. Very, spine chilling, I guess you could call it. People hated the thought of visiting one though we are all going to end up there one day, dead or alive.

We were escorted into an elevator. The man pushed a button then told us someone will be waiting once we reach our destination. The doors closed. I looked at Bradie. No words were said. None were needed.

The elevator whirled to a stop. We were underground. It was icy, the hairs on my arms were standing on end. "Shaun Diviney." I said to the man in the white coat. It's funny, you never expect doctors to actually wear white coats, especially in the morgue. What if blood gets on it? Imagine the person who has to wash them? Stop it.

I regained my thoughts. We walked down a long, narrow, dim passage. We entered a door on the left that was 22 doors from where we entered the hall. The doctor asked if we were sure we wanted to see him. We both nodded.

Shaun's family had already been told and his parents had already come to see him earlier in the day.

The doctor opened the door. The air inside was cold and smelt slightly metallic. There were large lights on stands, metal tools on trays and a table in the middle of the room. There was a body on the table, it had been covered with a sheet. I had knots in my stomach but I needed to see him and what he did to himself. The doctor ushered us over to the bedside. The doctor pulled down the sheet to reveal Shaun's head and torso. Shaun's eyes were shut, his hair was a mess, his arms were by his side, he was pale and even colder then the air to touch.

The doctor told us we could have a few last minutes with Shaun. I couldn't help my curiosity. I pulled the sheet down a few more inches so I could see his hands. The left wrist had been vertically cut to the bone. One slice. I picked up his dead hand and twisted it so I could see the cut better. It looked as though the razor had been stuck in the cut for a while, there was flecks of rust among the blood. I could see every vein, every muscle and the bone. Bradie had gone and stood in the corner. I think it was too much for him. I placed the cold, dead hand back in the same position and moved the sheet back up.

Bradie went and stood next to Shaun. It wasn't really Shaun anymore, just a mass of blood, bone, muscle and hair. Could have been any other person in the world on that bed but it was Shaun. Bradie walked back over to me. "Ready to go?" he said in a whisper. I could hear the pain in his voice, choking back tears isn't easy. I've been doing it since this morning. I nodded.

We walked out. I took one last glance at Shaun's body before the door shut. We walked back through the hall. It seemed as though I was dreaming, a nightmare in a mortuary filled with the stench of blood and the chill of death. We got into the elevator and back up to ground floor. It had never crossed my mind what would happen if this situation arose.

We walked out of the hospital. Bradie was wearing a blank expression though his eyes were full of pain and sorrow. Me? I was on the edge of breaking. I wanted to cry, punch the walls in, slap Shaun in the face to make him wake up and what I wanted most was to answer that call. Two days ago, if I answered that call we'd be fine. Shaun would be seeing a psychologist but he'd still be here.

I don't remember the car ride home. Bradie avoided the house Shaun killed himself in. Actually, he avoided the whole surounding neighborhood. We still hadnt talked. There were no words that needed to be said. We arrived, Bradie locked the car, he unlocked the front door, I walked in, Bradie followed suit and we both sat down. We didn't slump into the couch, we just sat.

I pulled out my old phone remembering that I still hadnt heard Shaun's last words.

"Hey, Andy and Bradie. Just saying goodbye." End of message.

Just saying goodbye, goodbye. Goodbyes aren't forever, this one was.

I ditched my phone at the wall, it shattered. It looked like a firework of glass and electronic bits. I bolted to my room and slammed the door. I leant my back on the door, I let my feet slide to the ground until I was sitting. What have I done? I made my best friend kill them self.

My arm jerked up and punched the closest item. The desk. It didn't break but it sure made a hell of a crack, my hand not the desk. The desk had a dent but my hand was now red and swelling. It didn't work. I punched the desk again. The dent turned into a crack and my hand swelled more. A few more blows and the desk looked like it had been ran into. My knuckles were raw and bleeding.

I went quiet. I heard sobs from Bradie's room. He never cries. Even though Shaun and I acted tough Bradie was probably the strongest, mentally and physically. I went and got a bandage for my hand. It was pounding.

I heard Bradie talking. He was on the phone. "We went and saw him, It's completely true." he explained. I walked into his room. 'who is it?' I mouthed. 'Lewis.' He mouthed back. I guessed I should call everyone else. I called everyone I could think of. I made a list of who I had called and gave it to Bradie. He finished off everyone I missed.

Now to announce it on the Internet. It was already on the news. "As almost all of you know we lost an amazing man two days ago. RIP Shaun Diviney' I wrote on twitter, Facebook, tumblr, myspace, everything. Bradie said something along similar lines. The fans responses were too much to handle.

I turned the tv on in the lounge. The same headline was on almost every channel 'Short Stack frontman, Shaun Diviney has been found dead' Except for one channel that had some weird ass show. I don't even know.

The days blurred together and as more information found its way online the more I wish I wasn't famous. All the kids that looked up to Shaun, me and Bradie were devastated. We gave them hope but now that we had none what were they supposed to have?

The funeral was restricted to family and close friends. I had to make a speech. I tried to sound positive and I tried to reminisce about the good times. About half way through my planned speech I looked up. I saw people I know staring at me choking back tears or letting them slip. I took a deep breath and used all my courage to say "I never knew another person that hated me so much that he could be a friend, sure we had far too many fights but they never meant anything, right?" I stood down and went and took my seat. I let one tear slip then I couldn't stop. They blurred my vision but I don't remember much anyway.

I remember going to see Shaun's body in the casket. He had his hair done, he had some colour in his face and he was wearing a suit. Everyone else had left or were talking to each other so I lifted his sleeve to see the cut. It had been roughly stitched together. I made it look neat again and went to join everyone else.

Life went on. The band was no more. I'd have a night here and there where I'd remember that it was my fault and break down but I'd never let myself go as far as he did. No one was the same, we all seemed quieter and more reserved now Shaun was gone. I will never be the same because it was my fault. I can never change that.


End file.
